“I cant take good care of my baby if I am not taking good care of myself”
I had an appointment and was dreading going because I knew I had to bring up a pressing issue and be honest with her. And to be frankly honest, I was anxious to say anything because I felt weak and really pissed off , actually.
Pissed off because I knew Inhadnt been staying on top of my mental health , which for me includes being aware of my moods and mold swings, staying active and busy, and journaling or being open with others.
Throughout the treatment centers and juvenile placements I have been through, I always learned how important it is to stay on top of my emotions and be self aware, because when I am down, I can sink very low and very fast. If I catch myself before I spiral too fast, I can sometimes with the help of talking and calming down , take a step back , and stop the fast plummet.
I also have learned and am now putting into play, how to ask for help, reach out to others, and be honest with how I am feeling.
Before, I would go months with saying , “I am fine. Nothing is wrong. I am happy. I am okay. I am not sad, mad, upset. I am not overwhelmed. I just never thought I could let anyone else know anything other than I am fine. Now I am slowly, not every time but more often then ever before, telling people when I am not okay, when I need help, and know I am not less of a human or less “good ” or “normal” for asking for that extra help. Today I discussed with my doctor how I surprised myself with how quickly I spiraled down this past weekend, and how I would like to ask for help to keep my mood a bit more steady, and stay on top of my mental health, my anxiety , depression, and other struggles. With her amazing reply and agreeing with me, I decided the best thing for me was to get back on some medication, and start therapy again.
I have not been on any medication seen a therapist for over 2 years, because I didn’t want any help or to be on any meds, because I was 18, I could now choose to live life without either of them. And I did, until now.
I am very proud of my choice to reach out and ask for help, because I am about to have my daughter, and I know I cant care for her the best I could, if I am not taking care of myself and keeping myself healthy as well.
Yes, I may not always be fine, and happy, and that is really okay! I can ask for help, and it doesn’t make me weak. I am taking the reins and staying on top of my mental health, because it feels dam good to.